What’s been said

Spring? Maybe?

IMAG0076 Spring is here… sorta.

The signs are all there. Flowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. Frogs are waking the dead each evening with their cacophonous voices. Despite the mid-April snowfall, it’s all melted away. The days are getting longer.

So why does it not feel like spring?

Probably because day after day I keep waking up to see a cloud-covered and sunless sky. Perhaps it’s because I still need to wear tights under my pants while I’m walking around outside doing my job.

Oh, for those who are keeping up with those things, I ended up taking a job as an overnight security guard at a boarding school. It’s full time, so it all works out.

I have realized that the state I live in essentially spends half of it’s year in winter. For someone who loathes winter, cold, and snow, this is not an ideal situation. So why do I keep coming back?

The people.

My friends and most of my family all are in this general region. While I was off living somewhere far warming, all I could think about some days was how homesick I was and how badly I wanted to come back. Of course, I mainly wanted to visit in the summer, but still, I wanted to come back to see those I love.

The things I suffer through for those I love.

Life changes

So I decided to make a change in my life.  It’s a big change, but not an uncommon one.

I decided it was time to find a new job.

I suppose it would seem strange.  I worked my ass off for a year to reach my current position.   Once in the position, I was happy as a clam.  However, I thought it would be a good idea to transfer to a location closer to home to save on gas money.  A month later, I would rather slit my own throat than go into that buildings some days.

I have discovered that part of a good job isn’t just the job you do, but who you do the job with.  You could have the most awesome job in the world, but if your coworkers suck and make you feel about as welcome as a venereal disease, then it’s just not very awesome anymore.

I thought I just wanted the job itself when I was working so hard to get it.  Admittedly, it was a better job than the one I had.  But now I see it wasn’t so much the job, but the people I would be surrounded by.  The job itself?  Really not all that spectacular.  But I wanted to be a part of THAT group.  I wanted to join and be a part of a team that I thought was just awesome.  And when I did finally join them, they made me feel like I was meant to be there.  They were happy that I was with them.  When I hear from them, they tell me they miss me.

My new location?  No.  They’re not happy I’m there.  They could care less if I disappeared tomorrow.  They are young, for the most part, and clearly never realized that cliques have no place outside of high school. The job itself is not great enough to overcome this mind numbing hassle.  The pay sure as hell isn’t worth it.  And it’s become painfully obvious that I won’t get full time anytime soon.

So… onward I go.

Today I interviewed with a staffing agency that wishes to place me with a local company.  My test scores blew them away.

“So, even if you did data entry non-stop all day, they’re usually looking for 6000 kph.  With your 10… well , we’ll just say 11,000 kph, I think you’re well beyond that.  Your Excel scores are solid.  Now, the listening score…   You are number 56.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means out of the thousands of people I have given this test, only 55 of them before you have ever had a score above a 90%.  You missed one question.  Only four people have gotten a 100%, and you were one question away from being number 5.  That’s just amazing.”

If I get this job I’ll be full time, I’ll get 3 bucks more an hour, and it’ll be steady Monday through Friday.  It’ll be midnights, so I’ll be working Friday night, but I’m really ok with that.

I’m feeling pretty good about life.


I posted this conversation a couple years ago on facebook.  Some friends of mine only recently found it and thought it was hilarious.   I had forgotten about it.  So I’m resharing it here.  Enjoy.


So every now and then I will be minding my own business when I suddenly get IMed by a name I don’t know.  Sometimes it’s someone that knows me.  Sometimes it’s a pornbot trolling for a webpage.  The answer I receive to “Who’re you” usually immediately tells me what I’m dealing with.   Today… I decided to have some fun when I realized the stranger IMing me was pornbot.


angelxmandyxx3: heyyy

darthbitch: Who’re you?

angelxmandyxx3: heyyy… 22.f here just sittin around bored as usualll

angelxmandyxx3: it sucks how there’s never anyone on here anymore so i just figured i’d im u and see if u wanted to talk… ya busy??

darthbitch: Yes.  I’m about to go kill and defeather a chicken.

angelxmandyxx3: i always like talking to new ppl it was a lot easier but anyways whatchu doin????

darthbitch: I’m dangling upside down by my toes, pretending to be a bat.

angelxmandyxx3: ah cool i’m sooooo bored!!!!!!! lols

angelxmandyxx3: well i was going 2 get on my webcam 4 a lil bit wanna cumm watch??

darthbitch: I would rather eat broken glass for breakfast.

angelxmandyxx3: yay!!! i joined this amazing site a while back that’s kinda like an ‘adult” f-book it’s so much fun!!

angelxmandyxx3: you do have to signup but it’s only to keep out the little kidz so we can have sum real funn

darthbitch: I hope your digital owners see this, realize how much they suck, and then blow their brains out as they roll their car into a ditch.

angelxmandyxx3: its really simple aand it’s like our own private chat where you can tell me what to do ;)

angelxmandyxx3: alright here (webpage link edited out because I said so)  ya just click that “Join Free’ on the top of my profile there… see it???

darthbitch: No. I do not.  Because I am not looking.  I’m too busy thinking of the joy of pouring acid over your server circuits.

angelxmandyxx3: good u just make ure account and then u can cum join and that’s it

angelxmandyxx3: ya the cc does NOT get charged a single penny.. it actually says it right there on the page too

darthbitch: Ohhhh you’re a lieing bot too!  Bad bot! Bad!  No compressed air for you!

angelxmandyxx3: if you have any trouble let me know nd i’ll try nd help u through it but hurrry up tho i’m gettin lonely waiting for you

darthbitch: Your programmers are total dumbasses.  A ten year old could’ve created a better conversation.

angelxmandyxx3: you in yet hun?? when u get ure name just go back to my page so we can get started!!!

darthbitch: Wow.  Even the bots are such whores they don’t know if he’s “in yet.”

Best Friends

Most women have a friend they’ve known since they were children.  Someone that they are close to, even when life puts physical distance between them.  It’s a special bond that women develop with each other.  They can talk for hours on the phone or over coffee.  No topic is taboo or over-sharing.

I never really got that.   Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I never wanted a friendship like that.  It’s just never worked quite worked out.

Some of it is my tendency to move frequently.  In my thirty-seven years of life, I’ve moved about forty times.  It’s hard to develop, grow, and maintain a close friendship when you’re suddenly miles and miles away.  Or your phone number keeps changing.

Some of it is that I get along better with males than females, generally speaking.  I’m crass, loud, and aggressive.  These are generally traits that most women avoid dealing with.  While there are plenty of other women out there like me, sometimes it’s possible to be too much alike.

Some of it had to do with the people in my life at the time.  As a child my mother seemed to seek out reasons to dislike any friend of mine that I got too close to.   Perhaps she was jealous that I was developing a bond with someone other than her.  After all, I was her child.  Therefore shouldn’t she be the one I trusted most?  But it’s hard to trust someone with your innermost secrets when they hurt you in other ways.    I also had a number of jealous significant others who made a point to isolate me from my friends and family as much as possible.  Eventually I would get out of those situations, but not before the damage had been done.

I have a friend now that I call my best friend.  I know I can tell him nearly anything.  We don’t judge each other.  We were apart for seven years and when I came back, he cried.  I cried too.  Unfortunately we don’t get to see each other very often because of our so very different work schedules.  I’m afraid to text or call for fear of waking him up, since he works midnight shifts.

Another friend of mine I can share anything with.  She’s beautiful.  However, I can’t really call her a best friend.  She already has one of those.  They have a closeness I can only admire and envy.

I have another friend that I made through work.  He’s a newer friend, relatively speaking.   We haven’t reached that “share anything” phase, but maybe someday.  I know I already know more about him in less than two years than some who have worked with him for over five years.   I think I feel a closeness to him because we have a very similar sense of humor, outlook on life, and strained (understatement) relationships with certain key people in our lives.   There’s also something to be said for having people in your life who you can swap insults with or tell to go fuck themselves and neither will get offended.

I’m not sure where I was going with this.   I guess what it boils down to is while I often long for that stereotypical friendship where we can call each other any time of day or night and say “My soul hurts.  Please just tell me everything will be alright,”  the friendships I do have are still pretty damn awesome.

I wouldn’t trade any of them for all the chocolate in the world.  And that’s saying something.

Coffin nails

So I decided to give up smoking.

Let’s be honest.  I didn’t really decide it.  It was more of a forced situation.  We got a shit ton of snow which made it dangerous to drive.  The temperatures are dangerously cold.  I neither wanted to drive to buy another pack or stand outside to inhale my world’s slowest suicide.  The boyfriend refuses to let me smoke in the house, even though I pay half the rent.

Anyway, so I’m on my fourth day without a cigarette and I’m actually doing fairly well now.   The first two days I was something closer to that evil thing you see in your nightmares.  I wanted to punch puppies, punt kick kittens, and stab anyone who looked at me funny right between the eyes with a number 2 pencil.  I was sorta prepared for this.  I knew as the addiction withdrawal played shuffleboard with my system, my emotions would be on an even keel that hovered around Perma-Pissed.

However, what I was not prepared for was what came afterwards.  I expected the coughing as my lungs started to purge and work on healing.  I expected the urge to cram things in my mouth to deal with the oral fixation.

Get your minds out of the gutter.  Perverts.

What I was not expecting was my utter and complete lack of control of my emotional state once the anger part wore off.  Oh I’m still easily annoyed as fuck.  I’m also inclined to start weeping like a small child every time I see something that’s just a bit emotional.  A video of a 9 year old girl singing opera?  Totally.  A feelsy smooshy cartoon about friends?  Fuck yeah.

It’s completely ridiculous.  Especially since I’m one of those women that just absolutely hates to cry.  It messes up my makeup, gives me a headache, and leaves my face feeling puffy for hours.  Who needs that shit?

For the love of whatever deity you hold dear, will someone please tell me this crap ends soon?

Attention Holiday Shoppers…

The “Don’t be a douche canoe” light is blinking!

As we go into yet another holiday season, many wonder how they can make the most of their interactions with sales associates and customer service reps.   Well, let me tell you.

#1:  Don’t be a fucktard.   Now when I say this, I’m sure many are going “Who?  Me?  I am NOT!  I just expect quality service and I have the right to demand it!”   Well yes, you do have that right I suppose.  However, if you’re going to demand it while treating the people who are trying to give you this quality service like second class citizens, you can expect second class service.  While you have the right to demand quality service, we have the right to demand to be treated like human beings.

Speaking a someone who works with the public on a daily basis, I can easily express this.  If a customer responds to my greeting with a smile and an upbeat attitude, I will gladly help them.  In fact, I want to help them.  They made my day a little nicer by being a nice person to me, so it’s only fair I try and make their experience in my store a nice one too.  However, if my greeting is met with snark and an all around surly attitude, I really don’t want to give that person crap. I just want them to get the hell out of my store so their little black cloud goes with them.  These people are a drain on everyone around them.

Personally, I believe anyone who comes to a Customer Service desk and throws their purchase on the counter like a petulant child should be responded to with having said item thrown right back at them and told to return when they can treat people decently.  That person behind the counter did not sell that thing to you.  They did not sneak into your house in the middle of the night and break it.  There’s a pretty good chance they’ve never even laid eyes on you before.  So why the hells are you taking your anger at your malfunctioning hookah coffee maker out on them?

Honestly, we just want to do our jobs and go home to our families just like you.

So, again…   Don’t be a Fucktard.


So I’ve been thinking. Always a dangerous pass time for me. But I’ve been thinking about how much of my life I spend trying to be a part of something.

Think about it. We all do it. In fact it’s ingrained into our heads as we grow up. Join this thing or that thing. A sports team. The chess team. The drama club. The band. Whatever.

It continues into adulthood. By then you’re not so much pushed but you try to be a part of the group. Your department at work. The friends of your significant other.

The thing is, we join these groups of people believing the common interest will be able to provide us with a way to bond with each other. So we will feel like we belong with each other. Sometimes it works. Often times, it does not.

Growing up as someone who’s life was constantly changing, I constantly struggle with this. Most times I will join a group of people only to find the common interest is the only thing I share with the rest. While the rest of the group seems rather close knit, I am standing with them but not really a part of them. I am but an interloper on their close bonds. But I smile and keep trying.

It is said that we are all snowflakes. Unique in our own way.

I think I grow tired of being such a complicated snowflake.

Going mobile

So I decided to add an app to my phone that would let me blog away from home.  Previously I would have done this on my laptop, but that died many moons ago.

The reason I did this is simple. I will have an idea, work out the wording in my head, think it’s pretty good, and then forget it all by the time I get home.

I would like to point out I added a “like” button as an option at the bottom of my posts. This way you can express approval without trying to find words to write a comment.   Of course, your sharing options are still there.  Yay rah.

I apologize now for any strangely worded sentences I may post in the future. While autocorrect is usually my friend, it’s not entirely Darth Bitch proof.

A bit of this and that.

I think this is about as far as I’m going to get with the redo.   My motivation lost steam somewhere along the line.

I’ve been concentrating on my work life mostly.  I got a promotion that I’ve been working my ass off to get.  I basically made it known from day one that I wanted to get to a certain position.   When the opportunity presented itself, I jumped on it like a mouse on cheese.   This, along with some help from the supervisor I will now be answering to, has most definitely panned out in a most excellent way.

Now I just need to work on going from part time to a full time position.

I have been role-playing again, but not as much as I was.  I made it clear to everyone that I will not be nearly as embroiled in things as I was a couple years ago.  I have a life now.  I intend to keep it that way.

My extensive work hours along with events that draw us in different directions has caused me to not see my boyfriend as much as I would like.  I miss him terribly.  Hopefully things will work out so we can fix that problem.

I really do love him more than I can express.

New Look Soon

So I’ve decided to give the page an overhaul.   When I cobbled this together I was making it look the way I *wanted* to feel.  While I’m no longer feeling nearly as depressed and such as I was then, I think it’s time I put something together that’s a better reflection of me.

Brace yourselves.